My Roommates are Assholes
by PokemonHunterJ
Summary: What whacky adventures ensue with a group of villains living in the same apartment? Why did Cyrus invite J? And why does Archie try to flood the world with a garden hose? The world may never know, but they are out 55,000 and need to come up with it. Fast. Trial and error will tell them what works best-and who is the best to replace their long-lost grunts!
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to my new story! This one will be ongoing for a while, I hope. Probably even longer than Hunter J's story. And yes, I know, I haven't updated anything recently but I'm working on my ORAS May Cosplay for Anime STL. If you're there, I'll probably be playing Pokemon so feel free to talk to me if you wish! Next cosplays I have planned are Hunter J, female Lysandre, and female Cyrus. Just because I can. Anyway, enough about my weeaboo trash cosplays, and enjoy the new story!

* * *

"Alright, let's check the bills this month!" Giovanni said, opening the mail. "First, electricity-"

"Oops," Lysandre said nervously.

"Arceus fuckin christ, Lysandre! $10,000?! Are you trying to make us broke?!" Giovanni screamed at him. "Ugh, next is cable and internet. That seems normal. Netflix-why is it all chick flicks?"

Ghetsis sunk down into his chair at the table. "No reason."

Giovanni rolled his eyes. "Water bill-DAMMIT ARCHIE! I TOLD YOU NOT TO FLOOD THE WORLD WITH THE GARDEN HOSE AGAIN!"

"I blame Maxie. He inflicted pain on me." He shrugged.

"$30,000 worth?!" Giovanni was beyond pissed now.

"Just don't open the heating bill." Maxie warned.

"Christ I can't take you guys anywhere." Giovanni sighed in despair. "Cyrus, you're cool."

"YOUR EMOTIONS ARE A FLAW!" He screamed, then walked out of the room.

"Why does he live here?" Ghetsis asked.

"We could be asking the same thing about you, you know." Lysandre rolled his eyes.

"Ugh, just tell me rent is low, please." Giovanni opened another bill. "Oh thank Arceus."

"We need a way to make money, don't we?" Archie laughed.

"We could sell lemonade." Maxie pushed his glasses back onto his face.

"World domination sounds cool as well." Ghetsis shrugged.

"Or we could just blow up the world. Then we don't owe anyone anything." Lysandre put his feet up on the table.

"We're not blowing up the world. Just find a logical way to make money." Giovanni banged his head on the table.

"We could dress up like little girls and sell PokeScout Cookies!" Archie laughed.

"Does anyone want to see Ghetsis is a skirt, though? Your legs might look good, but definitely not his." Maxie made a disgusted face.

"You're just saying that because you want me to wear a skirt, don't you, ya nerd." Archie gave him a flirty look.

"Please leave if you're going to do this now, I don't want to see it." Giovanni crossed his arms.

"You're just jealous you don't have a nerd to love!" Archie cried.

"I'd rather just kick you two out." Giovanni stood up, making a fist with his hands.

"We can't afford to kick them out now!" Ghetsis reminded him.

"Damn. You two are the first to leave!" Giovanni commanded.

A knock on the door distracted the unruly group of villains. "I got it, you guys continue fighting." Lysandre stood up, walking to the door. A man with silver hair was standing there. "What up?"

"Can you keep it down over here?" He snapped.

"It's just Steven. No one cares, Steven!" Lysandre dismissed, starting to close the door.

"What is even going on over here?" He asked.

"Something stupid, I'm sure." Lysandre gave an exasperated sigh and ducked, a chair flying over Lysandre's head and hitting Steven in the face. "Sorry."

"Steven! Are you okay?" Iris ran over, hugging Steven.

"Can you leave us alone now? We have to come up with $55,000 by the end of the month, with surplus for next month's bills." Lysandre started to close the door.

"What the hell do you guys do all day to make your bills so high?!" Lance was now standing there, looking at the commotion.

"Let's say Archie tried to flood the world with a garden hose again." Lysandre scratched the back of his head nervously.

"I swear, you guys are the biggest idiots of all time. C'mon, Steven, Iris." Lance turned and walked back to the Champion's apartment next door.

Lysandre closed the door, turning to the people inside. "I SWEAR YOU ARE ALL DEAD ONCE I CAN RESURRECT THAT WAR CANNON!" he stormed off to his room.

"Wow, rude much?" Archie laughed.

"Archie, stop pinning Maxie to the ground, he's not stronger than you." Giovanni scolded.

"Not until he admits land sucks and water is better!" Archie was laughed, holding Maxie against the ground in a headlock.

"Get off of me, you brute!" Maxie shouted, struggling against Archie.

"Admit water is better!" Archie kept laughing, giving him a noogie.

"Can you two cut it out, I'm trying to come up with ideas to get us some money and fast!" Ghetsis snapped. "We have $3,000 already so we need $52,000. Arceus, that's a lot of money."

"I know someone who can get us lots of money." Cyrus appeared behind Ghetsis, scaring the pee out of him.

"And just who is that?" Ghetsis snapped.

Cyrus went over to the door, opening it. A woman walked in, wearing a purple coat over a red catsuit. "You rang?" she asked in a serious tone.

"Cyrus, who is this, exactly?" Ghetsis asked.

"Her name is J." Cyrus said stoically.

"And how is this woman supposed to help us with money?" He asked.

"I'm a poacher. Everything I do is for money. You guys need help, I need a place to hide. This should work for a while." she shrugged, sitting down on the couch. "You guys got any food?"

"Cyrus, you just invited this chick to live with us, without asking Gio? He's gonna be more than pissed, you know." Ghetsis turned back to his desk.

"I'm going to be pissed about what, exactly?" Giovanni walked into the room, seeing J. "Who's that?"

Cyrus sat next to J. "A person, you sexist."

"Uh, okay." Giovanni narrowed his eyes at Cyrus.

"I'm J. 'Sup." she half-waved towards him, staring at the TV.

"Welcome, I guess." Giovanni sat in a chair nearby.

"You're not gonna be mad that he just brought some random chick into our apartment?!" Ghetsis asked in shock.

"Nah, I'm gonna let it slide for now." Giovanni shrugged.

"But-" Ghetsis started.

"For one, it's Cyrus. Cyrus doesn't cause trouble like the rest of you assholes. And she's a woman. Can't be sexist, that would make the internet unhappy, specifically Tumblr," Giovanni said, crossing his arms again.

"But you didn't let N live here?" Ghetsis asked.

"He's not even a villain! He was corrupted by you! He would have probably been the fourth person in that trio of friends from Unova that kicked your ass if you hadn't adopted him. He's a good guy, just corrupted by you. Kudos to you, but he isn't even evil." Giovanni rolled his eyes.

"What about Zinnia? She could live here, right?" Archie shouted from the kitchen where he was still fighting Maxie.

"She was never even close to evil! She was a Draconid! They are good people! Do you guys even know what 'antagonist' means?!" Giovanni asked, completely done with these idiots.

"Yeah, but she had cool theme music! Doesn't that mean evil?" Archie asked.

"So did Cynthia and Steven, but they aren't evil. Cool music is only half the joy of being evil, dumbass. Some good guys get good music as well." Giovanni sighed.

J looked up from the TV, continuing to eat chips. "You know what we could do? Strip club. That'd be interesting."

"None of us are stripping and dancing on a pole in our underwear." Giovanni gave her a cross look.

"Nah, don't even do it for the strip part. Just do it cause it'd be fuckin hilarious to see you dickwads try to be strippers." She laughed, eating more chips.

"Would people really pay for that?" Ghetsis asked.

"The dudes that tried to kill them all or cause them pain and sadness are now shamelessly pole dancing half naked. How much more demeaning can you get? The internet would love it." She turned her attention back to the TV.

"Any not stupid ideas?" Giovanni asked everyone.

"I say we try the stripper thing! Sounds fun!" Archie laughed from the kitchen where he still held Maxie in a headlock.

"He'd be the only one of you buffoons that would look hot, just sayin'!" J shouted, never breaking her eyes from the TV.

"Excuse me, I have a really hot body, just ask Sycamore!" Lysandre scoffed.

"Suck my left nut, Wolverine." she stood up sassily.

"Excuse me, Princess-" Lysandre started.

J kicked him in the jaw. "Don't call me princess!" she sat back down, returning to her TV show.

Giovanni stared at the bleeding Lysandre on the floor, mouth agape. "Aaanyway… We need more ideas, quickly. We have a limited number of days, morons."

"We could infiltrate and take over the Black Market. Black Markets are full of money," Ghetsis said, glancing at Giovanni.

"We could, but we lost all our manpower. You guys got any grunts left?" Giovanni shouted to Archie and Maxie.

"Yeah, why?" They shouted back.

"Black Market it is. Unless someone has a different idea?" Giovanni scanned the room.

"I still vote strippers," J said, a smirk across her face.

"We're not doing that shut up." Giovanni glared at her.

"We could babysit Pokemon and small children!" Archie shouted from the kitchen.

"He's not wrong," Maxie said, flipping Archie off of him.

"Yes, because any parent or trainer will willingly let a group of seven villains who have repeatedly tried to destroy the world take care of their kids and Pokemon," Giovanni said sarcastically.

"Hey, excuse you, I am great with kids!" Ghetsis shouted.

"N?" Cyrus said, looking at him dumbfounded.

"Th-that was one time! Ask Concordia and Anthea! They were okay!" he said in his defense.

"They were just as fucked up as N," Maxie said, pushing his glasses back up his face while Archie clinged to his back.

"Okay, I think we can all agree I'd be the best with kids here!" Giovanni said.

"Silver?" Cyrus reminded him.

"Dammit Cyrus quit reminding people of their horrible kids!" Giovanni shouted angrily.

"He's just jealous cause he's never gotten laid." J laughed from her spot on the couch.

"J I will end you." Cyrus sat on her, crushing her.

"Get this brute off of me!" She struggled.

"YOUR EMOTIONS ARE A FLAW!" he screamed once again.

"Dammit, not again! Why do you guys have to constantly act like animals?!" Giovanni sighed in disappointment.

"Because that's the biggest issue here," Lysandre sat up, brushing off dust from his suit.

"It's one of many." Giovanni rolled his eyes.

"Babysit or Black Market let's take a vote," Lysandre said in a serious manor.

"Why not both?" Archie said, taking out his trumpet and playing mexican music.

Giovanni smacked the trumpet out of his hands. "Stop!"

"YOU CAN'T SILENCE THE REMAKES BITCH!" He grabbed his trumpet, playing again.

"I'm up for a remake next! I can finally finish my world!" Cyrus said, giving a sly smile.

"Maybe I can finally be in a game. Someone may actually know who I am after that!" J gave a victory fist bump to Cyrus from under him.

"Can we stop talking about who is remaking who and get this over with?" Giovanni sighed.

"Babysitting?" Lysandre asked. All the hands besides his and Giovanni's hands went up.

"Christ, you assholes." Giovanni growled.

"Guess we're babysitting then!" Archie laughed, still clinging to Maxie.

"We are going to get sued for this I swear." Giovanni sighed in disappointment.

"Just relax, Gio! Let's see how it goes!" Maxie smiled.

"Yeah, it's not like we'll kill everyone in the world or anything!" Archie laughed. He stopped laughing as everyone looked at Lysandre.

"But-" he started.

"NO!" They all shouted in unison.


	2. Chapter 2

Welcome to another chapter~ Sorry it took a while, it's the end of the year and everything is quickly wrapping up. Three weeks of school left until I'm on break which means way more updates. Maybe even twice a week for this story. I'll have so much more free time even with working a lot. And Six Flags and anime conventions. I hope to go to a lot of those this summer too. Oh and E3. E3 will be great. *crosses fingers for Pokemon Z announcements even though they said it's basically going to be a WiiU showcase*

* * *

**Chapter 2: Children Again!**

"Welcome, kids! Welcome!" Archie laughed, ushering the kids into the apartment.

"Just remember, he has an allergy to-" a worried mom started.

"Don't worry, we got everything under control!" Giovanni reassured them.

J stood there, staring at the kids. "Do I have to wear this outfit?" she complained, her shirt a pink one that had a face of an Audino on it and her shorts blue jeans.

"It's more friendly, I promise!" Archie laughed.

"And why do I have to be dressed like a maid?" Maxie asked, wearing a maid uniform.

"Cause…" Archie gave him a flirty smile.

"Dammit Archie!" he stormed off to go change.

"Miss, can I have a drink?" a kid asked, walking up to J.

"Get your own damn drink!" she shouted, rolling her eyes.

"J! No! Bad!" Giovanni whacked her in the head with a newspaper.

"I'm not a dog, you asshole!" J took the paper, whacking him back. A couple of kids started laughing.

"Yeah but you are a bitch," Cyrus nonchalantly said from the corner of the room he was leaning on.

J threw the paper at him, hitting him across the face as Archie laughed. "Good one, bro!"

"Now, J, get this little girl some water!" Giovanni pointed to the kitchen. She walked ruefully into the kitchen.

"So… What do you kids wanna do?" Ghetsis asked.

"Ghetsis you stay away from them." Lysandre commanded, shoving Ghetsis away from the kids.

"But that one reminds me of N!" he cried.

"No!" Lysandre shoved him into the closet, locking the door and walking back to the living room.

"Do you guys have any Pokemon?" a kid asked, eyes wide in wonder.

"Uh, yeah. Why wouldn't we? We are the leaders of teams that tried to destroy the world as you know it, of course we have Pokemon." J said when she returned, handing the water to the girl.

"Evil teams?! That's so cool! Are you like, the Team Rocket boss or something?" A kid asked Giovanni.

"Yeah, I actually am!" he smiled.

"Team Rocket is so cool!" another kid piped up.

"ALL OF THE EMOTIONS ARE A FLAW!" Cyrus ran out of the room again.

"He must be Team Galactic! Some kids at school were talking about this thing appeared because he wanted to create a new world! Is that true?" a little boy asked Giovanni.

"Yeah! It's true!" he laughed nervously.

"Whoa! You guys are funny and awesome at the same time!" a little girl smiled.

"Looks like we got a fanclub now." Archie laughed, clinging to Maxie again.

"They could make useful grunts, you know." Maxie adjusted his glasses, ignoring the Archie on his back.

"We could train them in the styles of battling too!" Lysandre nodded to Giovanni.

"And teach them how to poach!" J narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"Okay that might be a little too far." Giovanni held up a hand.

"Wait is that girl J?! We learned about her at school! She's the most heartless villain in Sinnoh!" one kid shrunk back in fear.

"Oh, but Lysandre was okay even though he wanted to kill every person who wasn't a part of Team Flare, and destroy all of the Infinite Energy, thus destroying all Pokemon?" J put a hand on her hip.

"Yeah but he has cool hair!" another kid shouted.

"J is pretty hot, too!" a third kid shouted.

J just turned and walked away. "I quit."

"J no you stay." Cyrus clung to her, his face still stoic as always.

"What the fuck, Cyrus?!" She screamed, running around trying to shake him off.

"Can you two calm down?!" Giovanni shouted, obviously angered.

"Giovanni, we're bored!" a small voice piped up.

Giovanni grabbed a Pokeball, releasing Nidoqueen. "Play with Nido."

"Yay!" the kids swarmed the Nidoqueen.

"Kids! Tell Maxie water is better than land! Land sucks!" Archie shouted from the other side of the room, Maxie in a headlock once again.

"Dammit, Archie! No! Land is so much better!" Maxie was swinging his arms in a useless attempt to break free from Archie's grip.

"Why are they always fighting?" a kid asked Giovanni.

"Because they are useless idiots. Don't talk to them." he pushed the kid back towards Nidoqueen.

"Gioooo! Nido bit me!" a kid cried.

"Ariados, go!" J shouted, throwing a Pokeball.

"What's Ariados gonna-" Giovanni narrowed his eyes.

"Ariados, string shot carefully on his wound," J said.

"Ari dos ariados!" it said, spinning the thread around the kid's arm.

"Thanks, J! You're really nice!" he smiled then ran back to play with Nidoqueen and the other kids.

"I'm… nice? That's the first time I've ever heard that in my life." J stood there, dumbfounded while Cyrus still clung to her emotionless.

"You guys want to see some legendary Pokemon?" Cyrus asked.

"Yeah!" All the kids were now surrounding him and J.

Cyrus boosted himself up to sit on J's shoulders. "Palkia and Dialga are the Space pokemon and the Time pokemon. You can use the lake trio's power to summon them and to start a new world! And that's exactly what I intend to do." he gave an evil smile, the kids all staring at him in amazement.

"Cyrus, can we be part of this new world?!" a kid asked excitedly.

"As long as you accept me as your god, yes." He nodded.

"Cyrus stop manipulating the children!" Giovanni slapped him, making him fall off of J.

"Thanks, Gio." J sighed in relief.

"You stop this too!" he shouted.

"What have I been doing?! I've been standing here being Cyrus' chair for the past ten minutes!" She snapped.

"Admit water is better you nerd!" Archie pinned Maxie to the ground, causing some kids to laugh.

"I'll never admit water is better!" Maxie shouted, struggling.

"Stop being violent in front of the children you imbeciles!" Giovanni shoved Archie off of Maxie.

"Does this usually happen around here?" one of the kids asked Giovanni.

"Sadly, yes." He gave a sigh.

"This is awesome I wanna live here!" another kid shouted.

"Looks like they wanna be our grunts!" Archie laughed, getting out of the headlock Giovanni had put him in.

"We're not recruiting children as grunts." Giovanni stared him down.

"But we have no grunts. They enjoy us. They could be our grunts!" Archie pleaded.

"He's not wrong, you know." Maxie pushed his glasses back up his face.

"I fucking hate you assholes. Fine, whatever. Not like I'm the leader here or anything." Giovanni threw his hands up in defeat.

"Yay! We can get started designing uniforms!" J shouted.

"And we need a team name!" Ghetsis chimed in.

"This can be our base too!" Cyrus nodded.

"We're back in the evil business!" Archie shouted excitedly.

"Shut up, don't let the champions next door hear you, idiot." Maxie scolded.

"We don't even know these kids' names. Should we bother or just call them grunts?" Archie asked.

"I mean, none of our other grunts bothered with names, so why start now?" Cyrus raised his eyebrows towards him.

"Just give them all name tags for under their uniforms." J placed a hand on her hip.

"Not a bad idea…" Maxie agreed.

"We should decide on a team name first. Any suggestions?" Ghetsis asked.

"Let's see… Rocket, Aqua, Magma, Galactic, Plasma, and Flare. What can we make out of this?" Maxie sat down, deep in thought.

"Team… Uh… Roaqmaglaplasflare!" Archie shouted.

"How about no. Next!" Ghetsis rolled his eyes.

"What about Team Jay?" J chimed in.

"Fuck off." Ghetsis shoved her out of the room.

"How about.. Team Element?" Maxie suggested.

"Hm. That could work. Keep that one tabbed. Anything else?" Ghetsis looked at the kids. "You guys got anything?"

"What about Team Static?" a kid with staticy hair said.

"Team Static sounds cool!" Archie laughed.

"Electric types destroy you." Cyrus gave him a flat expression.

"Oh yeah." He sat down again.

"What about Team Midnight?" another kid suggested from the back of the group.

"Team Midnight! I like!" Archie laughed.

"That could also work. Keep that as well. So far, Midnight, Static, or Element. I say we take a vote!" Ghetsis stood up from his chair.

"Or we can just not and go with Midnight cause that sounds really badass!" Archie argued.

"And just what are you gonna do about it, water boy?" Ghetsis challenged.

"Fight me, bitch!" Archie grabbed a Pokeball.

"NO! No fighting in my apartment!" Giovanni shouted, standing between them.

"YOUR apartment? Good, then you can pay the fine and we can all just leave you with it!" Archie shrugged.

"Ah! I-You know what I mean, bimbo. No fighting! Take it outside, at least!" Giovanni gave him a death stare.

"Whatever. Let's go." Archie swung the door open, running to the staircase and sliding down on the railing, while the rest took the elevator down to the bottom floor.

"Dude's always fighting like damn." J rolled her eyes.

"Life of a pirate, I'd say." Maxie adjusted his glasses.

"Just what the hell do you see in that maniac?" She narrowed her eyes at Maxie.

"You would never understand, J." Maxie gave a loving sigh.

"Creep." She rolled her eyes, stepping out of the elevator as it hit the ground floor and opened.

Archie and Ghetsis faced each other, the rest of the villains and kids sitting in the stands.

"Alright, let's have a fair, 1 on 1 fight!" Giovanni shouted. "No substitutions and no items."

"I'll let you send out first! Because I'm nice." Archie narrowed his eyes.

"Alright. Go, Hydreigon!" Ghetsis threw a Pokeball, sending out Hydreigon.

"Go! Sharpedo!" Archie laughed.

"A Sharpedo eh?" Ghetsis laughed to himself.

"Yeah, it's stronger than you think. Sharpedo, you ready? Listen to my heart and Mega Evolve!" He held the anchor necklace over his head, the stone glowing. Sharpedo Mega Evolved into Mega Sharpedo.

"Mega Evolution?!" Ghetsis took a step back in shock.

"Mega Sharpedo, crunch!" Archie shouted.

"Still not that effective, even with Mega Evolution! Hydreigon, dragon pulse!" Ghetsis shouted.

"Mega Sharpedo, quick, water pulse!" Archie shouted back.

"Shar!" it shouted, launching a powerful water attack at the dragon pulse. Sharpedo's attack won in power, knocking aside the dragon pulse and hitting Hydreigon head on, making it faint.

"Hydreigon is unable to battle, Archie is the winner!" Giovanni said. "Team name is now Team Midnight!"

Sharpedo reverted back to its normal form, Archie running up and hugging it. "Yeah, good fight Sharpedo!"

"I lost to a 30-year-old who think's he's a pirate." Ghetsis said in disbelief.

"He's a better dad than you, too!" J shouted from the stands.

"Shut up, J!" Ghetsis threw a tree branch at her, missing her.

* * *

"They're a strange bunch, are they not?"

"Kehehe. Let them entertain us for a while, Cynthia. We'll knock them down a notch when the time comes. We've defeated them all before, why not again?"

"Steven, they're all criminal masterminds and they're working together we don't know what they're capable of!" She turned away from the window, facing the man.

"And? We're all Champions. We all started as trainers and look at us now. We can always win. Like I said, we did it once, we can do it again."

"I sure hope you're right…"

"And if I'm not?"

"You owe me a pizza."

"Sounds like a deal to me!"


	3. Chapter 3

School's out for summer and guess who's a senior now? Hehe, I run this bitch now! Class of 2016 here we go! It still sounds so strange to me, like wow I'm actually graduating in a year. I have to adult yet I'm sitting here binge-watching Pokemon and playing Pokemon and buying a shitload of Pokemon Cards and writing Pokemon fanfic o3o Good news, I have nothing to do for three whole months. So unless I catch the lazy bug, I shall be updating regularly now. It'll probably be at 4 am because that's the only time I'm really alive during summer but eh whatever at least it's uploaded.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Team Midnight **

"YOUR EMOTIONS ARE A FLAW!" A voice sounded from the apartment.

"Gah! Not this again! Cyrus, cut it out!" Giovanni slapped him.

"Gio, calm down dude. It's just Cy! He has no emotions because he doesn't have a nerd! We should buy him a nerd." Archie laughed from where he sat on the floor with his Sharpedo.

"We're not buying anything. We can't afford to buy anything!" Giovanni stared him down.

"We should order a pizza. Pizza is good." J said from where she was sitting on the floor, tailoring a kids outfit.

"We don't have the money for a pizza. Make your own." Giovanni rolled his eyes.

"We don't have the money for pizza ingredients so that's a problem." Maxie adjusted his glasses.

"Eat… This! Gourmet quality food!" Giovanni threw a pack of uncooked ramen at J.

"This is ramen. It's not even cooked. Don't remind me of college." J hissed, returning to her work.

"You went to college?" Lysandre mused.

"I… I attempted. Shut up!" J threw a sewing needle at him.

Lysandre caught it, flicking it to the ground. "Attempted. Sure."

"Stop making fun of my J." Cyrus said flatly, sitting on J's head.

"What the hell did I tell you about sitting on my head you asshole!" J raged.

"You make a good buttseat." Cyrus stared directly at Lysandre.

"Please get him off of me." She looked desperately towards Giovanni.

"He's your problem now." He dismissed, walking out of the room.

"Hey guys, if the doorbell rings, let me answer it. I'm expecting a… friend of sorts." Ghetsis narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"The hell, Ghetsis?" J said in suspicion.

"Just… Let me know." He walked back out.

"This is why Gen 5 should have never come into existence." She gave a sigh, returning to the outfit on the kid.

"You're doing it wrong, it's going to fray that way." Cyrus whispered.

"Then you do it, dickwaffle!" J threw down the needles and crossed her arms.

"You do it like this." Cyrus picked up the needles, hemming the outfit perfectly.

"You know how to sew?" J asked, taken aback by his surprize skills.

"I've always known. I had to sew a lot as a kid. You'd be surprised by how many machines required sewing." He just shrugged, continuing to hem the shirt.

"Can you teach me how to, maybe?" J asked with a slight smile.

"Sure, but you have to accept me as your new god," he said, eyes never breaking from the shirt.

"Shut the hell up." J hissed, pushing him off of her.

The doorbell rang, Ghetsis running up quickly and answering the door. "Hello, Colress! Welcome!"

"Ghetsis who the fuck is a Colress?" J gave him a disapproving look.

"Did Gio say he can show up?" Cyrus questioned.

"Who cares, he's here. Cyrus just randomly invited people. That means I can too." Ghetsis said with finality.

"'Random Person' would like to chime in and say I've done some things for the plot so far. Colress has no point in being here." J rolled her eyes.

"At least he's a cannon character and not a filler like you." Ghetsis shot back.

"That's it, we're gonna fight old man! Go!" J threw a Pokeball, releasing Salamence.

"Go! Hydreigon!" Ghetsis threw a Pokeball.

"Salamence, Hyper Beam!" J shouted.

"Salamence! Mence!" Salamence shouted, charging it's hyper beam.

"Hydreigon, Dragon Breath!" Ghetsis countered.

"WHAT THE HELL DID I SAY ABOUT FIGHTING IN MY APARTMENT!" Giovanni shouted.

Hydreigon jumped back at the sound of Giovanni's voice, Dragon Breath failing. Salamence hit it head on with Hyper Beam, making Hydreigon faint and destroying the wall behind it.

"I swear to Arceus, J." Giovanni facepalmed.

"Hydreigon is unable to battle, Salamence wins and the winner of this battle is J." Cyrus commented.

"Thanks for the commentary, Smurf-head." Giovanni snapped, walking out of the room in anger.

"Does this mean we owe more money now?" Ghetsis sighed.

"Not my problem." J yawned, leaning on her Salamence.

"This is your problem, you live here now." Cyrus stared at her.

"Things are looking bad for you J, I presume. Though the power of that Salamence is intriguing. May I inspect it?" Colress looked at J in interest.

"Mine." Cyrus held J in his arms, staring daggers at Colress.

"Get the hell off me, Smurf." J knocked him off of her. "And if you so much as touch my Salamence I will end you."

"Hm. Your threats seem to be meaningful in your eyes. However, I disagree!" Colress laughed.

"Another loser whose only popular for his catchphrase. Great. Please leave this story." J sighed in frustration.

"You know they charge us for breaking the fourth wall, correct?" Giovanni narrowed his eyes towards her.

"Who the hell does that?! Well, we're broke. Kiss freedom goodbye. You losers are going to be caught by Jenny for not paying rent." J dismissed.

"You're here too!" Giovanni crossed his arms, obviously pissed off.

"I'll sacrifice all of you before I get caught by Jenny. Have fun!" J sat on Cyrus' shoulders. "To the kitchen we go, Smurf-hair!"

"And who the hell is that?" Giovanni asked, pointing to Colress.

"His name is Colress. He's my scientist. He can help us… uh… Science and stuff." Ghetsis shrugged.

"I think Lysandre already has that covered. I mean he has five scientists and two admins." Giovanni gave him a stern look.

"Yeah… but none of them have anti-gravity hair! That's _blue_!" Ghetsis pointed out.

"Uh… Mable?" Giovanni held up a picture of the scientist from Team Flare.

"But his is multicolored!" Ghetsis persisted.

"Well, you win on that front. As long as he can help make rent and keep J from destroying more walls, welcome." Giovanni gave a sarcastic bow before returning to his work.

"Some may say you guys have great interior decorating. However, I disagree!" Colress said, looking around the room in one swift motion.

"Okay that's going to have to stop it's getting old quick." Ghetsis said flatly.

"You might say it's getting old. However, I disagree!" Colress shouted.

"One more time and it's to the streets you go, science or no science." Ghetsis threatened.

"But…" Colress started.

"No buts, just do your job. And don't let your Magneton try to eat Hydreigon again!" Ghetsis turned and walked out from the room.

"So should we get back to finishing these uniforms? They gotta be done by tomorrow." J said, still on Cyrus' shoulders. They were both drinking juice boxes.

"Yeah, it may be a good thing. Then we can get things going." Cyrus said, putting down his juice box and picking up a sewing needle.

* * *

"You two still sewing? It's three in the morning!" Lysandre blinked, squinting his eyes against the faint light from where they were sitting.

"It's three am?" J asked, looking towards Cyrus.

"Oh. It happens to be so. We've been working all night. We're almost done." Cyrus looked up at Lysandre.

"Jeez, you two are like children when you're not trying to take over the world or kill people." Lysandre rolled his eyes, sitting down next to them.

"What?" Cyrus asked.

"I wanna help! I am very fashionable, may I so say myself. I know how to sew, everyone is Kalos does. It's a Kalos thing. Now, let me help!" Lysandre said, grabbing a third sewing needle and beginning to thread it through the clothing.

"Well, maybe we can get done before 5 am. Right, Cyrus?" J looked towards him. He just nodded silently.

"What have you two even been doing for all this time?" Lysandre asked, trying to make conversation.

"Just talking about Sinnoh. We miss it, but at the same time can't stand it. I wonder what ever became of those brats from Sinnoh…" J sighed, then continued to sew.

"They're in Kalos. Dawn and Brock left-but Ash is in Kalos. He's with that Rhyhorn Racer's daughter and the Lumiose City's Gym Leader and his sister. Team Rocket and Team Flare were following them." Lysandre shrugged like it was no big deal.

"It was that Jessie and James duo with the talking Meowth, wasn't it?" Cyrus asked.

"How do you know them?" Lysandre responded.

"Who doesn't know those useless buffoons. To anyone who has never heard of Team Rocket, they sure do give off the wrong vibes. They're serious in Kanto, but that squadron is so bad they're a laughing stock to the rest of the world. At least J and the leaders that live here are serious villains. Unlike them. They bring shame to the title of "antagonist"." Cyrus explained.

"They were useless in Sinnoh, too? They've been useless for a long time then." Lysandre laughed softly to himself.

"It feels like they've been the worst at their jobs for, what, I don't know, nineteen years now? Maybe twenty. Probably only been like four years anime time though." Cyrus rolled his eyes.

"Almost done? The kids will be here in an hour." Giovanni walked into the room, turning on the light.

"The light! It burns!" J hissed. Cyrus hid behind her, burying his face into her shirt to shield his eyes.

"You've really been up sewing all night long? Wow." Giovanni grabbed some cups, pouring coffee.

"Yeah. We wanted to make sure they were perfect." Lysandre stood up.

"Here. Go get changed and drink at least four cups of coffee. You'll be fine until about two then." Giovanni handed them each a cup of coffee before cleaning up the scrap fabrics on the floor.

"C'mon, Cyrus. Another day, more money to earn so you don't get arrested by Jenny!" J said in a peppy tone, which was very unlike her.

"Is she just really tired or-?" Giovanni looked towards Lysandre.

He just gave him a slight smile and sighed happily. "Both."

* * *

"Cyrus! You have a Weavile, don't you?" One of the kids ran up to him, grabbing his shirt.

"Yeah, it's my strongest Pokemon." He said, staring at the child with a lack of emotions in his face.

"Can I see your Weavile?! We've seen Nido, Sharpedo, Hydreigon, Camerupt, and Pyroar. We wanna see Weavile, too!" He begged.

"Once you guys get into your outfits, you can." He said, turning away and standing behind J.

"Yay! Weavile is the awesomest of all the Pokemon!" he shouted.

"Okay, now we're going to teach you the basics of organized crime. Be an asshole as much as possible! It's okay! You're a criminal!" Ghetsis said.

"No no no. Wrong. You pretend to be the good guy, gain their trust, then exploit it to gain their weaknesses." Cyrus countered.

"You're both wrong. You just take whatever you want and let the rest cry. Who cares what they think, as long as you're in the lead." J leaned on Cyrus.

"All of these combined, I'd say," Colress said, sipping his tea slowly.

"And when do we get our Pokemon?" a kid asked.

"Gio?" Everyone turned to face him.

"D-don't look at me!" He shouted.

"_You're_ the leader here, remember? You said so yourself!" J smirked.

"A-and just _when_ did I say that? Prove it!" He challenged.

"Chapter 2. '"And just what are you gonna do about it, water boy?" Ghetsis challenged.

"Fight me, bitch!" Archie grabbed a Pokeball. "NO! No fighting in my apartment!" Giovanni shouted, standing between them. "YOUR apartment? Good, then you can pay the fine and we can all just leave you with it!" Archie shrugged. "Ah! I-You know what I mean, bimbo. No fighting! Take it outside, at least!" Giovanni gave him a death stare.' See? You said it. _Your _apartment. Which makes you leader. Suck it, Rocket boy." J snapped then climbed back onto Cyrus' shoulders, leaning on his head.

"But I was-Ah, nevermind. I'll go catch some Pokemon for them I guess." Giovanni narrowed his eyes threateningly towards J.

"Give them all water-type Pokemon! It'll be great!" Archie laughed, petting his Sharpedo.

"Archie, then we'd be super weak to grass, remember? Anyone that picked Treecko has a serious advantage over you." Maxie adjusted his glasses.

"S-Shut up you land-lover!" Archie shouted, his Sharpedo growling at Maxie.

"I'll catch some Rattata. Maybe some Spearows or Starleys too. Maybe a Bidoof or two?" Giovanni scratched his head.

"Bunnelby is good. But why all those sucky Pokemon? And please no Rattatas, we don't need Joey to come back and be all 'omg my Rattata is in the top percentage hurrdurrbyeee'." Lysandre rolled his eyes.

"No Rattatas. Note taken. I'll be back." Giovanni put on his jacket and grabbed his bag before leaving.

"Now that he's gone, let's have some fun-What are they doing?" Archie stopped laughing, looking at J, Cyrus, and Lysandre.

"Looks as if they're asleep." Ghetsis said. Cyrus was sitting at the table, his hand holding his head up while J was passed out on top of him, still managing to sit on his shoulders. Lysandre was sprawled out across the floor next to them.

"Staying up all night sure did take a toll on them." Colress laughed a little.

"Cyrus and J look so calm for once. Especially when Cyrus is usually an unemotional little prick and J is a bitch," Ghetsis said.

"Let them sleep. They need it," Maxie gave a small smile, placing a blanket over J and Lysandre.

"Awww I ship it!" Archie laughed, feeding his Sharpedo a PokeBlock.

"Keep your ships in the ocean, bara pirate." Maxie punched him.

"Is that as hard as you can punch? Wow. Weak." Archie laughed, punching him back.

"Ow!" Maxie complained.

"You asked for it." Archie just shrugged it off.

"Hey, rude!" Maxie shouted.

"Can you two knock it off, please?" Ghetsis sighed.

"Jealous much?" Archie kept petting his Sharpedo while Maxie sat on his lap.

"Not exactly." Ghetsis rolled his eyes, grabbing a cup of coffee.

"And this is Klingklang. It's a steel type with the ability Plus. In double battles, it give the user a 50% Special Attack boost if its partner has Minus. Very useful!" Colress explained, his Pokemon floating behind him.

"At least he's not torturing them yet," Ghetsis sighed.

"I don't know, brah. Learning about stuff can be very tortuous as well." Archie shrugged, returning to his Sharpedo.

"Not really. It's good to know as much as you can." Maxie adjusted his glasses.

"Only a nerd like you would say that!" Archie shoved him off of him.

"What happened?" Lysandre sat up, holding his head.

"Ayye, you live!" Archie jumped up and sat on him.

"Archie, what the hell?" Lysandre said groggily.

"You passed out. Maxie gave you a blanket." Archie smiled.

"Thank, Maxie. And those two?" He pointed towards Cyrus and J.

"Let 'em sleep. They're not complaining about stupid shit when they sleep for once." Ghetsis rolled his eyes.

"They don't always com-Oh wait, yeah. They do." Lysandre thought about it.

"You guys wanna order pizza?" Ghetsis asked.

"Sure. I know J and Cyrus like pepperoni. I like buffalo chicken," Lysandre said.

Maxie wrote it down. "Archie, you want anchovies, correct?"

"Hell yea!" He fist bumped the air then went back to feeding Sharpedo PokePuffs.

"Ghetsis and Colress?" Maxie asked.

"Plain cheese for me," Ghetsis said.

"You like plain cheese, but I disagree! I want olives, and pepperoni, and onions, and jalapenos, and-" Colress went on an on.

"Okay, a large pizza with everything on it. I get it." Maxie wrote on the paper then called in the order. A ring at the door a half hour later woke up J and Cyrus.

"What's going on here?" J asked.

"We ordered pizza, calm down, it's okay." Maxie said, opening the door and paying the guy.

"You got a pepperoni pizza?" Cyrus asked.

"Yep. I made sure to get one for you." Maxie nodded and set the pizza on the counter.

"Did you get us pizza?" The kids asked.

"Sure did." Maxie handed them the two large cheese pizzas he got for them.

"Thanks, Maxie!" They ran off to eat the pizza and watch the first Pokemon movie on Cartoon Network.

"Cheese for Ghetsis!" Maxie handed him a large cheese pizza.

"Thanks," Ghetsis sat in the living room with the kids.

"Everything for Colress… Buffalo for Lysandre… Pepperoni for J and Cyrus… Anchovy for Archie… and veggie for me. Everyone got pizza?" Maxie shouted.

"Yeah!" Everyone said between bites of pizza.

"Hey guys I'm back I got some-What did you guys do?" Giovanni stopped in the doorway.

"We ordered pizza. Why?" Colress asked.

"You guys spent money we don't have on pizza?!" Giovanni raged.

"...Yeah." Everyone stopped eating and stared at him.

"Well, did you get me some, at least?" Giovanni sighed and walked into the kitchen.

"...Nooo…" Archie reluctantly said.

"I swear to Arceus." Giovanni hit his forehead with his hand.

"Would you like a piece of mine?" Archie asked, fear in his voice.

"I'm allergic to anchovies you water freak!" Giovanni shouted, then stormed off into his room.

"I don't even know what he's so mad about." J rolled her eyes. Everyone just shrugged and went back to eating pizza and watching Pokemon.

* * *

**Amount needed: $52,590**


End file.
